Rare Sighting of North American Pine Squid in Michigan?

Here we go again, fellow Michigander. If you're reading this, you're obviously as concerned as I am. I thought the days of looking over your shoulder for the elusive but deadly North American Pine Squid (NAPS) were over. I honestly felt that my children would be raised in a world without the ever-present possibility of having a limb detached by an ill-tempered and eerily stealthy tree squid. However, they've once again been spotted in Michigan.

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Thanks to the brave soul who captured the video below. For those who remember, you know the tremendous risk they were taking getting this close. As you'll hear in the video, this specimen is estimated to be a 3—to 4-year-old male.

North American Pine Squids Mating Season in Michigan

Okay...are the kids gone yet? Good. I've had my kids ask grocery checkout staff if the chicken legs they were buying were right or left legs. They've been sent to the mechanic to ask for winter air in their tires and 'blinker fluid,' and they've both been on historically long Snipe hunts.

THERE IS NO SUCH THING as a North American Tree Squid, but it would be cool if there were. However, after seeing the above TikTok, I was very disappointed in myself as a Michigan Dad for not having sent my kids on a North American Pine Squid (NAPS) hunt that I created this article for other Michigan parents to show their kids (obviously don't show them this part), get them out of the house for a while, laugh, and have a story to share in few Thanksgivings. I've also put this AI-generated picture of an infant North American Pine Squid for good measure.

The NAPS Juvenile Phase and Tracking Their Movement in Michigan

The juvenile NAPS does the majority of the migration once it's developed from its larval stage. It often travels state to state on Crocs and other poorly chosen footwear.

And, if they're still buying it, tell them to keep an eye out for the telltale signs of a North American Pine Squid graveyard. See below.

Now look, I'm not one to tell someone how to parent their kids, but make sure to send them out with pots and pans to bang together to scare away the rabid NAPS, neon clothing (because NAPS hate it for some reason), or some other equally memorable props and costumes.

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Have fun, and remember the most important rule of NAPS hunting...come back with all of your arms.